Annotation:Kettlebender

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X:1 T:Kettlebender M:C L:1/8 R:Air Q:"Moderately Brisk" B:James Oswald – Caledonian Pocket Companion Book XI (1760, pp. 26-27) F: https://digital.nls.uk/special-collections-of-printed-music/archive/94600716?mode=transcription Z:AK/Fiddler’s CompanionBBCC K:D a2|Tf3e d2d2|(cd) e2e2a2|Tg3e d2d2|d3e (fg) a2|.a2.a2.b2.b2|.g2.g2 a2 (ag)|f2f2g2 (gf)| e2e2 (fg) a2|.d2.d2 .c2.c2|B2B2A3G|f2a2 a4|(fd)(ge) Tc2!fermata!d2:| |:a2|(fa) d2d2 (fd)|(ce) A2A2 ag|(fa)d2 (fa)d2|(fa)(da) (fg) a2|(af) a2 (bg) b2| (ge) g2 (af) a2|(gd) f2 Tg3f|e2 e2 (fg) a2|d2 (fd) c2 (ac)|BdgB B2-AG| F2a2G2b2|a(fTed) Tc2d2::(f/e/)d .d.d dd'dd|(c/d/)e .e.e (e/f/)g .g.g|(f/e/)d .d.d dd'dd| dd'dg (fg)a2|(a/g/)f aA (b/a/)g b2|(g/f/)e gG (a/g/)f a2|(g/e/)d fF G2 (gf)|e2e2 (fg) a2| (d/e/)f .d.d (c/d/)e .c.c|B2 gB (B2 A)G|F2a2 b4|a(fTed) Tc2 d2:|]

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KETTLEBENDER. Scottish, Air (whole time). D Major. Standard tuning (fiddle). AABBCC. The words and music to the song "Kettlebender" can be found in the songster Apollo's Cabinet; Or, The Muses Delight (London, 1756, p. 99) The words go:

All you who are or fair or witty,
Come and listen to my ditty;
My muse shall sing, if you’ll attend her,
Of that same thing call’d the Kettlebender.

Refrain (after every verse):
O rare Kettlebender, O rare Kettle-Kettlebender.

The ladies take it all their heads in
That it’s the universal med’cine
For old or young or weak or tender,
All find ease by the Kettlebender.

Nay some, who matters fain wou’d gloss over,
Say ‘tis the stone of great philosopher;
For hardest hearts it soft will render,
Transmuted by the Kettlebender.

Pray what d'ye think made Portsmouth's dutchess,
Who, or fame lies, a nonsuch was,
Stick so close to the Faith's Defender?
What, but the love for his Kettlebender.

I'm sure if you have learn'd but any ways,
You must have read of Madam Danae,
That bolts nor bars cou'd e'er defend her,
Or keep her safe from Kettlebender.

Europa's ease you've heard, I'm satisfy'd,
How, fearless, on the bull she sat astride;
Nor waves, nor rocks, her flight could hinder,
She stuck so close to the Kettlebender.

It went so hard too with poor Leda,
Who was afraid to die a maid-a,
That to a swan she did surrender,
Rather than want a Kettlebender,

I must name Proserpine to you too,
Who ravish'd was, they say, by Pluto;
Was she so?-- the devil mend her,
She went to hell for the Kettlebender.

Researcher Bruce Olson found another song containing the allusions to Europa, Leda, and Danae, that substitutes "Langolee" for the "Kettlebender", in Captain Morris's "The Amours of the Gods." 'Langolee', like 'Kettlebender', is a made-up words vaguely having to do with coitus or sex organs (see note for "annotation:Lango Lee (2)" for more). Morris's song begins:

Europa's fair bull, as fam'd Ovid did write,
For love of that nymph ventur'd over the sea,
When he turn'd on his back, she caught hold, in a fright,
On his horn (as she thought) but 'twas Langolee.
The closer she stuck to it - much bolder her spirits grew,
She wish'd that the voyage might continue a month or two;
So safe it appear'd, and indeed 'twas so pleasant to,
Riding astride of Langolee.

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